Mother Mary

Synopsis:  A troubled pop star asks her ex-costume designer to design for her again in spite of their acrimonious break years ago.

Mother Mary is a movie about a big sheet that slowly drifts around and how it is scary because it is red. Yes, red can be scary. Think of a clown’s nose or blood. Picture this… a minister appears  onscreen wearing a simple short-sleeved black shirt, white clerical collar and black shoes; fear not. But if you see that they are wearing red shoes; beware! The red shoes alert us to the minister’s likely pact with the devil. Consider also… a young woman onscreen wearing a pink ribbon ‘round her neck, tied in a bow; fear not. But if the ribbon is red; beware! She’ll be revealed later in the movie as a vampire whose ribbons are dyed in her victims’ blood.

Yes, red is just a color, but it can also be a red flag

Based on the trailer, I thought that Mother Mary would be about the fractured friendship between a Lady Gaga-esque singer and her former costume designer. But no, it’s about a scary red sheet.

Anne Hathaway, the busiest actor in America, is Mother Mary, an iconic singer and performer. She writes her own songs. IRL, Charli xcx, wrote the songs, and while they don’t reach Brat Summer Heights, they are in the spirit of dancefloor spookiness. Jack Antonoff also co-wrote some tracks because he works with every English-speaking woman pop star, eg., Lorde, Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey.

Michaela Coel, who made a name for herself with her series Chewing Gum and I May Destroy You, is Mary’s former friend and costume designer. Now she is a fashion designer du jour. IRL, Bina Daigeler is the film’s costume designer and Dutch designer Iris van Herpen is the creator of an avant garde gown, a true showstopper..

Mary and Sam split up business-wise and friendship-wise ten years earlier and haven’t spoken since. But this doesn’t stop Mary from showing up at Sam’s atelier looking ragged and harried with a request Sam. Sam is bitter and with a stiff smile on her face, confronts Mary with barbs. Mary says she’s sorry—for everything. Whatever everything means. She really needs the perfect dress for the finale of her next concert. When is it? asks Sam. In three days, Mary responds, like this is doable.

Sam says yes to the dress, as long as Mary agrees to wear whatever she makes. Yes, she says, before hastily adding, As long as it’s not red. Mary looks afraid.

We see an example of an earlier costume for Mother Mary, a sort of Joan of Arc white dress, with a bleeding fabric heart and a sleeve of armor. Sam flits around her studio, grabbing fabrics and draping Mary in them. No more halos, requests Mary. They hurt. Sam says this is because she’s no longer crafting her trademark headgear.

The characters speak like people don’t speak. Mary wants a dress that gives her ‘clarity.’ Apropos of nothing, Sam tells Mary that she’s humbled by her munificence. I don’t know, maybe this is how the haute couture cognoscenti communicate.

Mary wants to sing her latest song to Sam, the one she will sing and dance to while wearing the new dress. Sam says she doesn’t listen to Mother Mary’s music anymore. Ouch. So, Mary is reduced to dancing without music. Mary dances very expressively, like she is being chased by wasps. It progresses so that it looks like the swarm has overcome her and are now stinging her – she flings her body to and fro. Oww! She slips to the ground and has what looks like a seizure. I felt like Sam should have intervened with an epi pen. Fortunately, the wasp attack is just representative and Mary is okay.

Somehow this performance moves Sam to threaten Mary that she may make a dress composed of every dress she’s ever made for her concert performances. She didn’t mean it figuratively. This would weigh a lot. How would Mother Mary do the fleeing from wasps dance? Mary looks scared. Also like she hasn’t slept in days.

If you think the movies sounds weird, fine, it is. But then Mother Mary moves into bizarro mode. You know how if someone tells you about a dream that they had, the correct response is to just listen and make no remark? It’s understood that the person just needed to expunge this weird dream from their mind and then you can both move on conversationally with neither of you ever mentioning the dream again. Instead, Mary and Sam start talking about a dream…

Sam had this weird and boring dream about a big red sheet that was floating around. Wait! Shouts Mary. I had the same dream! They discuss the big red sheet while Sam takes Mary’s measurements. Remember, the dress must be finished in less than 72 hours! Mary wept even more than Anne Hathaway wept as Fantine in Les Miserables. Sure, Fantine had to cheaply sell her body for sex and sell her long mane of hair and some pulled teeth. But Mary? The poor thing had a bad dream about a big red sheet!

Hey, what is FKA twigs doing in this movie? Ah, she’s in a flashback where she is a character named Imogen who is leading a seance that Mary is hosting in her hotel suite after a concert. I had no idea that big sheets of any color could break free of the spirit world and drive a person mad, but this is the case that the movie makes. Mary def should’ve had some matcha tea as a wind down after the concert instead of the séance.

Sam and Mary need to reconcile to overcome the Curse of the Red Sheet.

Much of Mother Mary makes no sense. But just to be safe, I will not be bringing any red sheets into my home no matter how deep the discount.

Movie Loon Movie Review:

Grade:   C-

Cut to the Chase: The acting energy is sort of wasted on a movie that has no real plot.  It is visually interesting, but after what Gaga pulled off on her Mayhem Ball tour, the concert scenes felt dated. So bad it’s good.

Humor Highlight:  Sam’s poor assistant, Hilda (Hunter Schafer) trying to avoid witnessing the interactions between her boss and the pop icon.