Anyone but You

Synopsis:  A man and woman, who had one date, hate each other after a misunderstanding and part ways. Months later they find themselves as guests at a destination wedding.

Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing has been updated to feature could-be lovers Ben and Bea fussing at each other at a destination wedding in Australia. Actually, Anyone but You more accurately features Ben’s chiseled abs and Bea’s full breasts. The movie could never work with, say, Greenland as the setting because then Bea & Ben couldn’t be naked or nearly naked through most of the movie. No complaints here. Sydney Sweeney as Bea and Glen Powell as Ben look great. The movie revolves around their hotness, so their contracts probably committed them to staying skinny and logging in hours every week at the gym.

Much Ado About Nothing has Benedick and Beatrice first meet at a masquerade ball. Anyone but You improves on the Bard by having the couple meet when Bea rushes into a coffee house in need of the pee key. Ben is in line when he takes pity on Bea who is refused the pee key unless she gets in the long queue and purchases something. He tells the hostile barista that they are together. After her water closet trip, Bea thanks Ben and they go on a walk & talk. They are in chilly Boston, so they are bundled up while we gaze at their pretty faces, learning that Bea is in law school. Ben is in finance. Run, Bea, run!

They couple-up for the night, but a misunderstanding leaves them disliking each other.  Six months later…

Bea and Ben reencounter each other when his friend’s sister, Claudia (Alexandra Shipp) and her sister, Halle (Hadley Robinson) are celebrating their engagement at a club. They look at each other with loathing. Their conversations consist only of over-the-top insults. Two minutes of communication could clear up the misunderstanding, but then we wouldn’t have a movie.

Heading to Sydney for the wedding, they find themselves on the same flight. Ben saunters back to coach from first class, so that he can deride Bea. She glares at him and sends him away with some of her own barbs.

Physical comedy is incorporated with Bea being adorkable. Bedtime on the flite is interrupted for Bea when she needs to use the loo. She dares to use the first class lavatory. Apparently, she isn’t on an English airline where the flight attendants strictly enforce class order by beating back anyone who dares to bring their wretched coach-class self beyond the curtain barrier to try and use the bathroom. No! It doesn’t matter if your seat is a ten second walk from the first class loo. Back to Bea’s problems…

She catches sight of Ben sleeping and decides to swipe a cookie aka bikkie, from his tray. Uh oh, her hoodie gets caught in some hardware and, in the attempt to extradite herself, she looks like she’s vigorously humping the slumbering Ben. Funny? 

Things don’t get any better between the two of them when they land in Sydney. Ben’s friend/brother-of-a-bride, Pete (GaTa) picks them up from the airport and informs them that the entire wedding party will be staying at a beachside manse. This causes Bea and Ben to ratchet up their verbal warfare, which continues once they are installed in their rooms.

Ridiculously, Bea’s ex is at the wedding because her parents want them to get back together. Ben’s ex is also there because she is Australian. They decide to pretend to be a couple so that Ben’s ex will want him back and Bea’s ex will back off.

Now that we are twenty minutes into the movie, we can appreciate what looks like a Sydney Tourism Office advert and the attractiveness of our stars. When the wedding party goes on a hike, Ben and Bea grab each other’s bums, resulting in some accidental digital penetration. Funny? They don’t miss a beat in maligning each other.

In between ruining each other’s week in a veritable paradise, they strip off. Ben finds an errant spider on his skin, so he takes off all his clothes. Do they teach this in wilderness survival school? Ben’s ex puts out a small fire by smacking it with the clothes she has ripped off of herself. Really.

Bea looks ravishing in a two-piece. But who did the damned fitting for her top? No one, is the answer. The back strap of the bra rides up between her shoulder blades. We get it, wardrobe wants to show off her boobs in a too-small top. At least Glen Powell doesn’t have to worry about ill-fitting swimwear. He’s usually in the altogether, showering outdoors with his ex’s surfer boyfriend. Again, not complaining. However…

The banter is not clever, and people’s interactions are predicated on everyone being tone deaf to sitcom-y extremes. Additionally, it seems that things are handled differently in the Antipodes…

If a watercraft with crew is adrift or a swimmer is stranded, there is a well known entity called the Coast Guard that comes to the rescue with fast, sturdy boats. Or marine rescue zips out on power boats or jet skis. But not in Australia, I guess.  Well– no spoilers– but there are some incidences in Anyone but You where things go awry on the water and a helicopter flies in for a rescue. Huh? Why would an aircraft be dispatched for a water rescue, especially when the ocean’s surface is barely rippled? Another difference…

On the day of the wedding the wedding party guests go out to pick up flowers and the cake. Huh?  Don’t they use caterers in Australia? Will the reception waitstaff be the guests themselves? But this does give the viewer a chance to go into the city and appreciate the tony shops, as Bea trundles the wedding cake through the streets and Ben adroitly gathers up hundreds of long-stemmed flowers into his arms. Again…

I am not complaining. Anyone but You gives us an attractive half-naked couple and lush Australian coast views. Hello, Sydney Opera House! What it doesn’t give us, is clever banter or good sight gags. But I bet the movie will make money. So…

Maybe Sidney Sweeney and Glen Powell will pair up again in another Shakespeare rip-off, uh, reimagining. How about  All’s Well that Ends Well? In Australia, of course.

Movie Loon’s Movie Review Shortcut:

Grade:   C

Cut to the Chase: A pretty, but not very funny rom-com.

Humor Highlight:  The credits, featuring the cast singing in various locales. Well, it might not be that funny–but it is fun.