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Avengers: Endgame

The Avengers are sooo hungry and the pizza delivery is late. Cappy ordered a deep dish to maintain his muscle mass. Ant-man and Rocket are sharing a Hawaiian-style. Gluten-free for War Machine & Nebula. Iron Man? Ever the iconoclast, he goes with pickled ginger and crème Fraiche.

Synopsis: After Thanos has disappeared half of the universe’s population, the remaining Avengers look for a way to undo the damage.

Directors Anthony and Joe Russo were charged with lifting one of the heaviest objects on Earth: the twenty-one Marvel Comics Universe film inventory. They’re leveraging it with Avengers: Endgame, wrapping up the Thanos/ Infinity Stones storyline.

RDJ: Uh, sorry about the whole wage gap thing… Gwynnie: At least I have GOOP. It’s worth 250 million dollars, you know

I assume everyone has already seen Avengers: Infinity War or Part 1 of the finale.  Okay, so you know that Thanos, who looks like the nefarious cousin of the Jolly Green Giant, has snapped his fingers and disappeared half of the universe’s population. I’m not clear on whether all life form’s populations are reduced by half or just the over-populating and environmentally destructive ones like humans, deer ticks and water hyacinth. If it includes all life forms then good-bye Amur Leopards, orangutans and unicorns, there are too few of you to constitute a breeding population.

Anyhow, the remaining Avengers are trying to move beyond their monumental butt-kicking defeat: Black Widow/Natasha/ScarJo morosely subsists on peanut butter sandwiches, Captain America leads a grief group and Thor becomes an alcoholic.

“Let’s see, I went to Denny’s for breakfast, then to the ATM, ran into Valkyrie at the farmers’ market…where in Odin’s name did I leave my hammer?” Rattled by recent events, Thor forgets his ‘extend the arm’ trick

Meanwhile, Ironman/Tony Stark/Robert Downey Jr settles down with Pepper Potts/Gwyneth Paltrow. RDJ and Gwynnie live a very tasteful GOOP lifestyle at their woodland retreat. And naturally Gwynnie’s visage is carefully curated, courtesy of jade skin roller sessions followed by dustings of turmeric and mineral bronzing powder.

The movie is three hours long, so I will try and keep this short with two points…

  1. Stupid Infinity Stones: It is hard to get emotionally involved when the demi-destruction of life in the universe hinges on us buying into the power of the Infinity Stones, somehow denying the grating silliness of the conceit. (Yes, I know this is based on the comic books — still!) The overarching story revolves around five plastic-y looking “stones” (one of which looks like a vial of red food coloring) which, when used together are all powerful. A sort of kindergarten playtime creation. Oh, and it seems that the stones must be fitted into a glove to work their magic. Definitely the sort of detail that a five-year-old would come up with.
Black Widow plumbs the depths of Cappy’s 1940s mindset… “So, you think that weed is immoral and you’ve never heard of Amazon?” “Natasha, how could a dandelion be immoral? And yes, I’ve heard of the mighty river.”

2. The Biggest Party: Watching Endgame feels like attending the biggest party you’ve ever seen. It’s super lavish ($350 M budget!) and EVERYBODY is there. I don’t mean only the superstars like Captain Marvel, Black Panther, Spidey, and Thor et al, but also, like, some guy who gave Dr Strange a latte once and the stationer who sells Peggy Carter her Christmas cards. Here are some of the things that I may have seen… Hulk knitting a sweater, Black Widow filing her taxes, Gwyneth Paltrow eating a marigold, Loki painting a still-life, Thor talking to his mom, the Winter Soldier vaping, Ant-man slo-mo punching somebody in the face, Jeremy Renner taking a selfie next to a giant smoothie, Dr Strange and Falcon doing acro-yoga and Captain Marvel sporting a hybrid Mohawk-Jimmy Neutron ‘cut.

It’s a lot to take in and it loses the charms of a smaller soiree, but you really don’t want to miss the biggest party of the year. Even if the party favors include plastic gems.

Hell’s yeah! Defying the patriarchy’s insistence that women have long hair. And saving the universe!


MovieLoon.Blog Movie Review at a Glance:

Grade:   B+

Cut to the Chase: A must for MCU fans, fun enough for everybody else

Comedy Highlight: Mark Ruffalo mines laughs from his chilled-out Hulk and Paul Rudd is a delightful Everyman as Scott Lang/ Ant-man

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